Zem

Name: Zem

AKA: Unknown

Location: Sqornshellous Zeta

Novel: Life, the Universe, and Everything

Author: Douglas Adams





Natural History:
Zem was a mattresses from the planet Sqornshellous Zeta in the Sqornshellous System.

No one really manufactures mattresses, so instead they are caught, slaughtered, dried out, shipped out and slept on. The mattresses do not seem to mind and all of them are called Zem. Mattresses are by nature large, friendly, pocket-sprung creatures that live quiet lives in the marshes of Sqornshellous Zeta.

There is a whole group of words that apply only to living mattresses that live in swamps and marshes of Sqornshellous Zeta. These words include: flollop, floopy, globber (a sound made when mattresses are feeling deeply moved by a story of personal tragedy),  vollue (for the meaning of this word buy a copy of Sqornshellous Swamptalk at any bookstore), voon, flurble, willomy, gup, glurry, flodge, quirrel, flur, glur, wurf, and lurgle. Etymologists are particularly fond of visiting Sqornshellous Zeta.

Mattresses rarely bother rearing themselves up. This takes a tremendous amount of energy and strength, and can only be done for a few seconds. There is not much to see except swamp for miles anyway.

One particular Zem, who was large and probably of high-quality, though of little brains, had once struck up a conversation with Marvin the Paranoid Android, who happened to be stuck on Sqornshellous Zeta after giving a poorly received speech during the opening of a bridge, which folded up and sank into the mire, taking all of those on the bridge with it, after Marvin plugged himself into the opening circuits. The conversation did not last long, as near the end a team of white robots took Marvin's leg and then came back to take Marvin. The poor mattress was left alone and almost lurgled in fear.

The fate of Zem was unknown, though someone is probably sleeping comfortably on him right now.

"You should be more mattresslike. We live quiet retired lives in the swamp, where we are content to flollop and vollue and regard the wetness in a fairly floopy manner." -Zem