Middle-Earth

Grendel's Mother

Name: Grendel's Mother

AKA: The Mother of Grendel, The Devil-Shaped Woman, Fiend-Woman

Location: Bottom of the Sea

Novel: Beowulf

Author: Unknown (Anglo-Saxon origin)


Natural History:
Thought to inhabit the horrible, cold flowing waters of the moorlands, Grendel's Mother was forced to leave her watery home when her son Grendel was maimed by the hand of the hero Beowulf. Thirsty for revenge, Grendel's Mother made her way to Heorot while the danes were sleeping in the great hall of the King, Hrothgar.

Grendel's Mother rushed into the hall, destroying the doors and entrance, and grabbed one of Hrothgar's favorite liegemen, the Dane of Æschere. Beowulf, asleep in another room, only hears of the slaughter in the morning when Hrothgar accounts the gruesome death of the Dane by the hand of Grendel's Mother. Beowulf then sets off to find the home of the monster, aided only by the rumors of a mighty-march of striding creatures in the moorlands.

Firm-rooted forests, miles-length of standing water, and stirring winds battered Beowulf in his search for Grendel's Mother, seeking places no deer or wolf would dare enter. Coming upon  Æschere head, Beowulf dives into the water beneath the cliffs, filled with sea monsters and serpents. Having taken a day to reach the bottom of the sea, Beowulf encounters the caves of Grendel's Mother and begins to fight her in the grim domain. Not being able to pierce the warriors armor, Grendel's Mother grabbed Beowulf and brought him to her den.

Having the upper hand, Grendel's Mother threw Beowulf to the ground and attempt to kill him with her mighty claws, but his armor was too thick. With all his strength, Beowulf grabbed a giant sword, one of the many treasures in the cave, and sliced through her neck. The body of Grendel's Mother lay next to that of her dead son, both slain by Beowulf.

"...His mother moreover
Eager and gloomy was anxious to go on
Her mournful mission, mindful of vengeance
For the death of her son..."

Babel Fish

Name: Babel fish

AKA: Clinching proof of the nonexistence of God

Location: Ear

Novel: The Hitchhiker's Guide to the Galaxy

Author: Douglas Adams




Natural History:
I will not try to explain this mind-boggling bizarre creature, but instead use the entry from The Hitchhiker's Guide to the Galaxy -

The Babel fish is small, yellow, and leechlike, and probably the oddest thing in the Universe. It feeds on brainwave energy received not from its own carrier but from those around it. It absorbs all unconscious mental frequencies from this brainwave energy to nourish itself with. It then excretes into the mind of its carrier a telepathic matrix formed by combining the conscious thought frequencies with nerve signals picked up from the speech centers of the brain which has supplied them. The practical upshot of all of this is that if you stick a Babel fish in your ear you can instantly understand anything said to you in any form of language. The speech patterns you actually hear decode the brainwave matrix which has been fed into your mind by your Babel fish.

Now it is such a bizarrely improbable coincidence that anything so mind-bogglingly useful could have evolved purely by chance that some thinkers have chosen to see it as a final and clinching proof of the nonexistence of God.

The argument goes something like this: "I refuse to prove that I exist," says God, "for proof denies faith, and without faith I am nothing."
"But," says Man, "the Babel fish is a dead giveaway, isn't it? It could not have evolved by chance. It proves you exist, and so therefore, by your own arguments, you don't. QED."
"Oh dear," says God, "I hadn't thought of that," and promptly vanishes in a puff of logic.
"Oh, that was easy," says Man, and for an encore goes on to prove that black is white and gets himself killed at the next zebra crossing.

Most leading theologians claim that his argument is a load of dingo's kidneys, but that didn't stop Oolon Colluphid making a small fortune when he used it as the central theme of his best-selling book, Well That about Wraps It Up for God.

Meanwhile, the poor Babel fish, by effectively removing all barriers to communication between different races and cultures, has caused more and bloodier wars than anything else in the history of creation.

"What's this fish doing in my ear?" -Arthur Dent

Space

The Dragon

Name: The Dragon

AKA: War Dragon, Fire-drake

Location: Stone-Cave

Novel: Beowulf

Author: Unknown (Anglo-Saxon origin)




Natural History:
Not much is known of the dragon that battled Beowulf. The dragon stole precious gems and gold from across Scandinavia, hiding them deep in a cave on the sea-side. Here the dragon would guard the treasure from intruders and kill any that dare try to steal his hoard. It terrorized the Scandinavian people for 300 winters.

One intruder did mange to steal some gold while the dragon was asleep, but upon waking it discovered the missing treasure and sought revenge on the people that stole it. Beowulf  on hearing about the dragons' attacks, sought to destroy it. Beowulf led a group of eleven men to confront the creature and all abandoned Beowulf but Wiglaf.

Like many dragons, this dragon was immune to physical attacks. Beowulf struck with his sword but could not skewer the dragon. The dragon raged and spewed fire at Beowulf, biting and clawing at the warrior. The battle raged for sometime until Beowulf drew his knife and began to cut at the dragons vulnerable underside. However, Beowulf had been poisoned by the dragons bite and the wound proved to be fatal. Beowulf's dying wish is to have the dragon's treasure brought to him. When Wiglaf returns to the cave the dragon is gone, and as far as we know as never been heard from again.

It is interesting to note that the dragon from Beowulf and Smaug might be related. They are both described as fire-drakes and are similar in color and their lust for jewels and gold. Perhaps this can be confirmed once we visit more dragon-kin.

Heorot